People Three Days Ago: There isn't enough footage in this clip! *grumble*
People Yesterday: There is TOO MUCH footage in this trailer! *cry*
It's funny because it's sad.
Moving on; in this post I'm going to analyze the trailer and see what we can learn about it and more importantly, from it. I think I'll call it the "Tornado in a Trailer Park" series, because it is my full intention to rip through the trailer from one end to the other and see what is left standing.
Before I start I think I should make clear that I know how big of a deal this movie is. It's been so long in the making that I'm almost scared to watch it, because if I don't like it I might just lose my faith in all things nerd. Batman is my absolute favorite Superhero, and I wont lie, I teared up during the Justice League episode of Smallville, many years ago. That said, I'll never understand why superheroes are fighting with each other, you would think there weren't enough super villains to keep them busy. That isn't the case by the way. There are in fact so many villains in the DC Universe that we could do without a few of them. This guy for instance - unnecessary.
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| *sigh* |
What this movie should be called: Batman v Superman: Dawn of the realization that there are too many damn bad guys out there for the superheroes to be fighting each other. Now lets rip this trailer apart and see what we can learn!
1. The entire first part of this trailer watches like a presidential debate. Adorkable Kent, who for some reason doesn't know who Bruce Wayne is and walks around throwing shade for majority of this trailer, plays the role of the Democratic Party. While Bruce, he plays the role of the Republican Party . It basically goes like this:
Kent: So, what do you think about this AWFUL guy who is trying to stop crime by locking up criminals?
Wayne: *Giggles at his own inside joke*
Kent: Gotham scum lives matter!
Wayne: All Gotham lives matter!
Kent: You can't be above the law, but you CAN be below it. Think about it.
Wayne: What about YOUR superhero, you know, the one who destroys cities, and is an illegal alien? Deportation!!
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| What do you think, not Batman? |
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| I think I have a problem with people who wear suits, and I'm not a hypocrite! |
Seems valid. It was riveting really, this first meeting, but *ugh* - isn't there enough Trump on TV?
2. NEVER trust a guy with a side part and a crazy look in his eye. Case in point:
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| There is even a clown! |
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| Who doesn't?! |
3. Try not to inadvertently become what you are trying to destroy in the world. That is all the philosophy you will get in this review.
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| You must all kneel before... wait? |
4. No one is above Shameless foreshadowing:
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| Look, that Plot Point is hidden on a sign, pay attention! |
5. God hates Aliens - Fact! I'm not sure what kind of facts they actually used to come to this conclusion, but it is written on a sign, so it must be true.
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| Like you know! |
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| Great Scott! |
6. Always practice safe bondage. It looks like even superheroes have safe words, and Batman did not hesitate to use it! Wonder what it is? Any guesses? Superman looks pretty disappointed.
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| *waiting, in the grey dungeon of pain* |
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| I think his face may have froze that way |
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| Wienerschnitzel! Wienerschnitzel! |
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| Dammit, and I was in such a good mood! |
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| I said wienerschnitzel! |
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| Wait, now I'm really pissed. Can't you tell by my different facial expression? |
7. The more stuff you blow up, the less people will care what else is going on. Just because Superman is faster than a speeding bullet, doesn't mean the rest of us are... slow it down there. Not only did I almost vomit, but I had a hard time figuring out what was actually happening. Oh wait, I see what you did there.
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| WTF is even happening here? |
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| Awesome! The whole city is getting blown up! |
8. Remember that foreshadowed plot point I mentioned earlier, the one about doom? Never, and I repeat, NEVER leave the bad guys body laying around mostly dead. Mostly dead is not the same as all dead, everyone knows that. This opens the door for people to come back and get you while your getting busy in a tent, prevents you from ever forgetting last summer, and allows any creeper with a brain and a side part to try and revive said bad guy, turning him into a Goro/Ninja Turtle/Groot hybrid intent on being the hammer that crushes your pretty skull, and further crushes your city. Lex is not so quietly reminding them about rule number two of Zombieland, the double tap.
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| He looks like he could just be sleeping! That is because you didn't chop him up in little pieces and scatter him in space! |
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| Truth! |
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| You had to go and ask and spoil the big surprise... |
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| It's NinjaGrootO, err, Doomsday! |
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| The best list of rules ever written. |
9. Never fear, a Woman will always save the day!
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| Boom! |
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| Batman: Great, another costumed freak! |
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| The Trinity! The GODfather, The Scared of the Sun, and The Holey Costume! |
10. I leave you with one final lesson from this trailer. The most important one yet. Batman is infinitely cooler than Superman. And don't you dare take that as a political endorsement! Good day!
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| That's all! |
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| *Boop* |
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